Muy Bueno

Holiday is over.

6 days time off and now I really have time off. Quit the job to focus on writing.

Except, it has been months since I've written anything.

Struggling to build the muscle up.

Thoughts going through my mind: was I right to quit my job? Do I need this, I have no source of income?

Scary. Scary, scary, scary.

I put a system in place in preparation and I haven't applied it funny. Productivity in itself is a huge time drain, much like trying to get motivated.


The journey is one of solitude, and I feel isolated. Falling into the issues I had when I was jobless before.

I knew quitting and writing wouldn't be easy. But at the moment, there is no carrot and there is no stick.

Even when I know what I need to do, I don't do it. Comformity is a onesie, it fits everyone and you all like stupid, but stupid together.

All the things I would use to make my day go faster are a huge distraction now. If you ever try getting off sugar, this is a bit like it. It's an addiction. I'm addicted to a lot of stuff.

I have thought about my screenplay so much, that it is so clear in my head that I rationalise that it doesn't need to be written, because I already have it. Considering that it will never be better than in my head. To ioslate myself even further. Procrastination is a sin.

I have tv, internet, everything I could ever want within 20 seconds from me.

Yet, like others I am not satisfied.

Fat people can eat all the food they want, but they still hate their body image. They are not satisfied.

Is it a lack of discipline?

The funny thing is the simple advice for my struggles is: Just do it.

...Just do it.

Yet, I can intellectually dilly dally over something for a very long time and still have no results.


When I had my job, I had simple targets, in a relaxing area. I also had money. What I wanted was time to develop myself to be a writer and filmmaker.

Now I have no job, no revenue streams and plenty of time to develop myself. Do I do this? No, I am in the head space of a wantreprenuer, someone who says they will do things, but never acts on these ideas.

I have the glory days of my read through for my dissertation, would I want to sully that with constant failure. Now as I type this...

Yes, I do. I do want to fail.

Thank fuck for this blog, because it is like therapy.

I want to write.